Whether it is the quarter life crisis or the economic recession, there is no denying the fact that being a boomerang kid is now one of the most common crises a young adult faces in this generation.
Talk to Your Parents About Moving Back In
Present the idea that you are considering it. Get their opinion. You, of course, want to make sure they are okay about it. If they are not, it would be wiser to look at other options quickly.
Look at Alternative Options Before Making the Final Decision
Having gained independence, it would be hard to live with restrictions again. It would make living with your decision a lot easier though if you have weighed all possibilities before coming up with a final decision.
Know That You are Not Alone
According to recent statistics, the boomerang phenomenon is not uncommon. One in three young adults is considering it. A lot are making the same decision. You are not the only one experiencing the changes. Think of that when you do feel alone and struggling.
Know You are Doing a Smart Financial Decision
The same statistics cited in the previous bullet also shows that young adults who move back in rarely do so voluntary. Frequently, it is because of financial reasons. If you’re not going to move back in due to this, then see it as a plus side.
Know That There is No Shame in Moving Back In
Rather than seeing this as a setback, grab it as a chance to recharge and evaluate where you are in your life. Seize it as an opportunity to straighten your goals and objectives for a better future.
Appreciate the Fact that You Still Have the Option to Move Back In
Not all parents are welcoming to boomerang kids for their own reasons. For you to even have the option is a thought that you should be grateful for. Also note that this thank-you ought to be expressed and shown, not only thought of
Be Firm When You Decide to Move Back In
But when you do decide, be firm about it. Stand by that decision as necessary. Prepare yourself because there will be circumstances that will challenge that decision.
Expect That Your Life Will Change
Mind set is a game changer in all situations that life pushes us in. Understanding that you would need to adjust drastically by seeing the glass as half full might just mean survival. Preparing for these changes would help lessen the emotional blow these changes are bound to make.
Know That It’s Not Going to Be An Easy Transition
Imagine going back to your 17-year-old self. Even trying to imagine it is hard. Going back to that life would even be harder. If you and your parents are not going to go in to this together with your heads in place, it would surely be miserable for everyone.
Level Your Lifestyle With Theirs
Can your mom afford an upgrade to iPhone 5 from her 2-month-old iPhone 4S? Can they enjoy a Caribbean cruise planned on impulse with their friends? If not, then it’d be too much of you to do so. Level your wants and hobbies with that of your parents’. Or they would probably end up resenting you.
If You Want Ice Cream, Buy Your Own. And Buy Theirs Too
The luxury and comfort you’ve grown used to when you were living on your own is sometimes too hard to get out of the system. If this is the case for you, then there is nothing wrong with lavishing in it. Just always be conscious of the fact that you are living with your parents. And, so, you ought to let them lavish the same luxury, too. Or, again, they would probably end up resenting you.
Just as how it was when you left, you parents have and will always have rules that children should follow, boundaries you should respect. You are expected to respect and follow them. It is, after all, your parents’ house you are living in.
The Person Moving Back is Not The Same Person Who Left
The previous bullet pointed out that your parents, most probably, will be expecting you to follow their rules. There is nothing wrong with that! It is a good probability, though, that those rules are fashioned for the person who left their house years ago. Oh, they’d know you changed. But they won’t know to what degree. Talk to them. Be as open as possible. Help them understand the changes you’ve went through. With your parents understanding you’re not the same person, they’d be able to adjust appropriately.
Do Not Fall Into The Usual Familiar Pattern With Your Parents. It’d Make All of You Miserable.
Make sure to point out you’re not the same person anymore. Yes, you’re their child, but you’ve did some growing up on your own. They will not acknowledge that if you act like the baby who left years ago. Talk to them. Tell your mom, nicely, that you appreciate her advice but it’s not really warranted. Talk to them. That can’t be overemphasized.
This has been the point of the previous three bullets. You want your parents to know the new, and improved, you. You want them to know what you expect of them to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Establish a Timeline
Even before you set foot in your parents’ house, make sure you have objectives and goals. Know when to leave and move on. More so, talk to your parents about those objectives and goals. They will be able to help you, for sure.
Ask Permission Before Having Someone Over
Show your parents respect and courtesy due to them. Whoever it’d be you’d bring over, whether it would be a special someone, a colleague or simply a friend, check if your parents will be comfortable with having them. Remember, you may have been used to playing host before, but you don’t live alone anymore. You live with other adults who may have a different set of ideals.
Put In Mind What Makes Your Parents React The Way They Do
From the moment you’ve made the decision to move back in, you have to consider your parents’ reaction and say for every matter you’re going to decide on. It’s not the same way as saying that you will have to depend on them for everything. It is saying that whatever you do will impact them directly. Using their car without permission will not impress them. Changing the locks without them knowing will probably annoy them. Baking a batch of cookies will surprise them. You keep these in mind when deciding on doing something.
Take the Chance to Grow
Taking this as a chance to recharge and reflect is one of the best things to maximize your time with your parents. Step back, reevaluate, and then make plans to better yourself. Look for ways to further your career. Take up some units in grad school. It may be through furthering your career, speeding your personal development or helping others with theirs.
Don’t Forget Your Personal Goals
It’s good to want to relax. It’s good to want to take a retreat. But this should not mean losing yourself. It should not mean arresting your development as a person.
Don’t Lose Your Sense of Humor
Using coping mechanisms during tense situations will help you survive through them. There are many ways to cope, yes. Most methods are not satisfactory to all parties involved. But keeping a smile will even melt the tension of the concerned people like the sun’s warmth melts the ice.
Update Your Contact Information
This is one of the practical things a person who moved most frequently overlooks. Make sure to update all your contact information. Set up mail forwarding. You don’t want to miss those important correspondences.
Get a Job
Get a job. It doesn’t matter if a part-time one suits you better. Just go get one. It will even make you feel better about yourself for being productive.
For all intents and purposes, save every penny you’ve got. Be practical. If possible, even downsize your lifestyle.
Talk About Money
Talk to your parents about finances. Talk to them about paying rent. Offer to pay as much as they would allow you to. Talk about buying groceries if they won’t allow you to pay rent. No matter how hard and awkward it is, talk to your parents about finances.
Make an Effort to Pull Your Own Weight
Make an effort to survive on your own even though you already moved back in. Clean up your own mess. Buy your own toiletries. Wash up after you’re done. Keep the independence as much as you can.
Get a Hobby
If you’re still waiting for a job, getting a hobby just might save your sanity. Read the good books you’ve missed to read. Watch the movies you wanted to watch but missed because of exams. Learn to play the acoustic guitar. Get at least one hobby to keep you busy.
Sweat It Out!
Since you do have the time and conveniences now, take time to establish an exercise regimen. Sweating it out at least 20 minutes every day causes release of endorphins. These are substances in the body that makes you happy. Natural high, yes it is.
Redecorate Your Room
When you come back, you’d find your old room either the same way as you left it years ago or as a storage room. Either way, you won’t like it. Not with all the posters of all those boy bands. So, take time to repaint and redesign your room.
Keep Your Room Clean
Yes, just like what your mom has always said, keep your room clean! You may have been used to your roommate’s clothes thrown all over, but this is a no-no in your mom’s house. You know that. You should respect that.
Volunteer to Do Chores
You may not have like this when you were younger. But volunteering to do chores would not only make you productive, but would also help some load off your family. Clean your own room. Wash the dishes after dinner. Cut the grass every Wednesday. These are little things that would surely be noticed, and expected.
Do your Fair Share
Schedule your chores. Help your siblings with the dishes. Take time to honor the chore board. Most importantly, enjoy doing so.
Rejoice! No More Dealing With Moldy Laundry
This is one of the conveniences one cannot overlook when moving back in. You don’t have to take another day off the week to wash your clothes. Those well loved imaginary laundry fairies will do them for you.
Rediscover Your Family Dynamics
I’ve talked a lot about changes earlier. I mentioned changes in you, but haven’t yet about your parents. Anticipate that it will most probably be not the same way as when you left. Take your time and patience in rediscovering your family’s dynamics.
Know That There Will Be Private Jokes You’re Not Privy To
There will be times you would feel like a stranger in your own home. It’d be terrible, yes, but if you take them as a challenge, it’d make your transition more interesting. Take the time to talk to them and just hang out.
When you take the time to rediscover your family dynamics, you’d be able to appreciate how prettily your sister has grown and how well your brother has matured. Make a friend out of each one. Talk about their interests and what makes them happy. Pretty soon, they’d be busy with their own lives, and you’d miss the chance. You’d regret it, terribly.
Hang Out With Your Parents
You are an adult now. Immersing yourself with conversations with your parents will be a surprise. You’d be pleased on how much you can actually learn from them and their stories. Hang out with them as much as you can and talk about everything under the sun. That’d be fun.
Know Your Place at The Dinner Table
One of the simplest but most noticeable changes would be where you’d sit at dinner. You used to sit beside mom, but your sister has that place now. Adjust and learn. Notice the small things. Talk.
Good: You would have food at all times. Better: It’d be home cooked. Best: It’d be “free”. Thank mom for that!
Surprise Them With Your Cooking
Cook something special for them. They’d be pleasantly surprised, for sure. Again, it’s the little things that would matter.
Help Them With What They’ve Always Wanted But Couldn’t Do for Themselves
There is a story I’ve read about a couple helping the parents with their garden. This is something the parents have always wanted to do but doesn’t really have the capability to do it. They refuse to receive money as pay for rent. And, so, the couple thought of doing the garden work as their pay for rent. Brilliant, isn’t it? Be observant and see how you can help. If you can find something that you’d be able to do that would make them very happy, then that would be awesome.
Do Little Kindnesses for Someone
Take your sister to cutesy pastry shops. Take your mom to afternoon dates. Cook some steak for your dad. Bake some cookies for your brother’s girlfriend. Do unexpected little kindnesses. You’d know these would go a long way.
Acknowledge That, Yes, You Are Always Going to Love Your Parents. But You’re Not Always Going to Like Them
Be honest about it. There will be moments of tension, days of conflict. But at the end of the day, they are your parents, you are their child. You live in the same house. As long as you respect each other, you’d be able to overcome, and even respect, those differences.
Prepare your temper.
You miss them, yes, but you realize you can’t stand them at most times. When those differences I mentioned earlier will come to light, you should prepare your temper. Winning the battle doesn’t mean winning the war. Most of the time, attempting to fight the battle will cause everyone to lose. It is always better to talk about those differences as amicably as one can.
Evaluate How You Look at the Situation. Be an Adult About It.
Be an adult with the situation. Take that perspective to look at the circumstances. Everyone has to be mature when approaching these delicate matters. It is your responsibility to be an adult. And it is your responsibility to remind everyone they should be one, too.
Hold On to Sanity By Balancing the Life You’ve Been Living on Your Own and The Life You Have With Your Parents
You both have to adjust. But since you can’t control that from their end, you only take responsibility for yours. You grew up on your own and these aspects of your personality may not be known yet to your parents. You have to strike a balance with the adolescent you was and the young adult you are who is an individual and a person of his own who is living with his parents.
Don’t lose your support network. Treasure and give them value. Most importantly, know when to ask and when to give. I believe one cannot afford to lose his friends especially when he lives with his parents.
Be Upfront With the Person You’re Bringing Over
So if your parents do allow you to bring someone over, make sure to orient them to what’s expected of them. Be upfront on what courtesy means in your household. You don’t want to be in a position where you value the friends whom you mother calls “pigs” and disrespectful.
Make Sure Your Partner Has His or Her Own Place. Or It’s Goodbye Sex Life.
First, make sure your parents know you have a partner. If necessary, tell them about your preference just to avoid some awkward misunderstandings. Second, make sure your parents are okay with you bringing him/her over. If they’re not, don’t force the issue. It’s going to be on you and your partner on how to make your relationship work. Respect the boundaries your parents have set.
Devote Some Time Alone Without Having To Go Out of the House
Make sure to get some alone time with all the crazy changes or boring unproductiveness in your life. You don’t have to go out of town and spend the night out. A glass wine while in the tub with some classical piece playing will surely relax you. You get to relax and you get to save money. What do they say about two birds and a stone?
Anticipate That You Will Miss Your Roommate, Your Old Place, Your Previous Routine.
Make no mistake. You will realize the loss. You will grieve the opportunities or freedom lost. Knowing it would come, though, would prepare you enough to breeze through those moments effortlessly.
It May Work For Some, But Not For All
Like everything in this mortal world, there’s a possibility of failure. Moving back in with parents is not a sure, fail proof, decision that one makes. There is always the possibility of failure. Considering this, one should prepare.
Prepare an Escape Plan
Yes, one should prepare an escape plan. As was mentioned, one should know when to move on. Things may not go on as planned, and it may not happen in an orderly manner. It is but common sense to prepare an escape plan for that possibility.
If You Want to Be Treated As An Adult, Act and Be One.
“I am not a child anymore!” can be one of the most irritating things one can hear in a conversation with their parents if not used at the most opportune time, right tone and clear conviction shown through actions before the confrontation. If you don’t want to be treated like a child, don’t act as one. If you want to be treated as an adult, think, act and speak like one.
It will be a bumpy ride. Prepare yourself. In the same manner, it’d be one of the most interesting parts of your life that you could look back to and tell your children about. Make the most out of the time you’ll spend with your parents living in the same house as a young adult. Not everyone gets to be a boomerang kid. Make it worth your time.